Those Crazy Americans

You know, the “Land of the Free” and all that. They have something called the First Amendment, but it seems that les peeps in charge forget that. It seems just when they should be worried about resolving issues of torture, indicting the last administration for attacking our friends in Iraq, they are worried about online “bullying”. (I thought that they fired all those little congressmen when they appointed King Obama?)

Anyway, according to this article, idiota Congresswoman Sanchez, from California, wants to make it illegal to upset anyone online….

Therefore, I assume that I’d be behind bars for this little exchange: Do they have a hot tub at Sing Sing?

I personally find this guy, un petite scary. I understand, he’s coming to the airport with Bloomberg to pick me up.

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312 Years Old And Counting

I am a big fan of New York’s Mayor Bloomberg. He is not only mayor, but he also apparently owns the City. I’ve never met the man, but I am sure that when I finally decide to go to New York, he’ll come greet me at the airport – you know, respect among equals and all that. But this is not about Mr. Bloomberg, it is about an article published by his news organization.

It seems that a Dutch study says half a glass of wine a day is good for the heart, brain, and judging from my own experience, libido. Twice as good as beer, apparently.

Now, they don’t say what happens when you drink three bottles of G—- White Zinfandel, with a couple of the girls before you go out clubbing, but I’d guess it looks something like this.. And probably not so good for the soul, never mind the heart.

I am finding that what I thought was all about my pedigree and unparalleled genes, is really about drinking a bit of vin everyday. Who knew. I’ll have to have a chat with mama beast, who is celebrating her 350th this year.

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Fosters Goes Back to Beer

We all know that it take lots of beer to make great wine, but these guys at Fosters, even with all their beer, haven't been able to make a Franc en le negoc du vin. They've had their derrières kicked by just about everyone in the Australian business, including Constellation, who, I understand, are just a bunch of guys from upstate New York making wine in Australia- How strange is that? But, I will leave that for another day.

Anyway, these Fosters guys have tried to sell wine using Little Penguins, failed at resurrecting the flatlined Rosemount and even started making Lindemans in Africa. I didn’t even know they made wine in Africa!

My sources tell me its all a pile of merde.

So, it is not surprising that after an A$500 million charge, that they are again restructuring. Bonne Chance! They should just throw in the towel and go back to beer – which is the one thing they do well.

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The Secret to My Chompers

Let’s face it, one of my most startling features, besides my dazzling eyes, Aquiline nose and my sleek coat, are my big, beautiful and very pointy teeth. People often ask how I keep them so brilliant and cavity free, especially after all these years.

Well, I always thought it was good genes, but recently I discovered otherwise.

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Gordon Who is Doing What?

Every morning, I have a ritual. I awake at 5:00, I bestow my gifts upon my companion, who often these days is a visitor from the UK -after my recent trip to the UK, I am finding British women very appealing. By 6:15, or if I am feeling particularly amorous, 6:30, I ascend the four flights of stairs from the ‘love crypt’ where I sleep. Marie has my cafe au lait in a large bowl waiting, I enjoy a small croissant and une petite brioche with cassis jelly made from black currants grown behind the Chateau. I read Le Monde, followed by WSJ Europe and sometimes, the IHT. By 7:00 AM I am perambulating the vineyards and tasting begins at 8:00 AM. Lunchtime begins promptly at 1:00 PM and is usually spent with a journalist or banker, and ends promptly at 3:30PM. Thereafter, I nap and then taste some more to ensure that our quality is nothing but the best. It is a grueling schedule, but as the most famous chateau owner in all of Le Languedoc and soon to be France, I have a duty to my people and in fact, all of France to be nothing short of the best.

Anyway, yesterday morning, I nearly choked on my croissant when I read that The Gordon Ramsay is “lending” his name to some wine from Entre Deux Mer. Doesn’t he know that the wines from EDM are almost all virtually undrinkable? Does he know that they cannot give that stuff away? He says he doing it for free. With his wife throwing him out of the house, and his restaurants going under, you’d think he’d be a bit more concerned with making some coin – c’est la vie – maybe I’ll give him a call when I am next in London and we’ll have a chat.

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A Bittersweet Day

I’ve been a bit down, sad really, and it has been hard for me to write. I felt in my gut that the short-sighted, intellectually challenged, Rosbifs who run the UK, would do the wrong thing, but I kept my paws crossed hoping that logic would prevail.

Well, I was basically right. The geniuses at #10 decided that they would increase the duty on wine- okay only by 2% instead of the 7% they were threatening, but in any case, they did increase it by 48p per dozen. Maybe it doesn’t sound like much, but it is on top of nearly 3 pounds over the last year or so. They do not understand that they are putting an entire industry out of business. It will soon be impossible to buy good wine in the UK for less than 6 or 7 pounds at retail and thousands of people will lose their jobs.

But, we must be sympathetic, it is expensive keeping 3 million CCTV cameras going (that will now, apparently spy on everyone buying wine), and where was the 200 Billion or so going to come from to bail out the Fat Cats in The City? You should know that every time you buy a bottle of wine you are funding inefficient government and a system that rewarded the failure of the bankers. I am sure that they are still drinking Petrus, but for the rest of us, we will drink less and vin that is less good.

Darling clearly hasn’t had enough, he seems to have an insatiable appetite for Le Vin. His bender will have to come to an end!

I am back in the bowels of my secret lair in Le Chateau, and working on a new plan!

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“Paw to Paw” – “It Can’t Get Better Than That”

As we marched, lockstep, up to # 10, we did not know what fate would befall us. Richard Siddle, Editor of Harpers Magazine, perspiration showing on his brow, whispered in my ear: “Beastie, whatever you do, don’t make a false move, or they’ll throw you in the Clink. Monahan, who runs Le Clink, said, “don’t worry Beastie, I’ve got you covered”.

All went well.

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I AM TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT LE ROSBIFS

It seems like I cannot get away from them, with their bad food and cctv cameras, bloated government – please don’t let me go on. Anyway, you know, some of us have studied wine for generations, we are born into certain families and have a certain upbringing, which let’s face it, entitles us to be the Lord of the Manor.

Then there are these drug taking, tantric sex addicted, rock stars, that make a few bucks and think that they can go and make wine. I am sick of it. Who do they think they are? Do they think that they can buy their way into our gentlemen’s club? It is a club and they are not getting in. They do not have the bloodline, the palette, or family connections. They are unworthy members of the great unwashed, who have just happened to have made a few bucks. And that goes for Gerard, Lorraine and Dan as well.

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The Night Before Our Heroic March

Any Crusader knows that you cannot march on an empty stomach. Monday night I hosted a dinner for some of our comrades at le Corrigans restaurant. Food was rare, conversation was scintillating, le vin – Fantastique.

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It’s Not About Pounds – It’s About People

They did not let me point the camera into #10, but we did it, we got in and presented our petition. Hopefully, it did not go right into the bin! We understand that the occupants are Scotch drinkers.

It was so nice to see the archenemies of the UK Wine Trade Press, Charlotte, Richard and Rosie all get together to support the cause. It has made me think… Maybe I have been too hard on some of the other winemakers around the world? The savages of Australia, the Mayans of Chile, The Antarticans of Argentina, and then those violent barbarians of California.

I don’t know, if the warring UK wine press can come together, maybe need to embrace these people, even if they have stolen our names, vines and market?

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